STEAMING!

Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck...

I am a complete and utter blind fool.

Naomi is a complete and utter ignorant bitch.

You know, I was willing to stand and defend her character, but even as a 'good friend' to her, she still treats me like a useless cunt. Yes, she's admitted she's decided to go back to being gay as she used to be. Fair. Okay. That I can handle. She wasn't too sure for too long, but now, she misses her ex of 3 years and she pines and whines about her non-stop and that's that. Okay, so that's the reason why she doesn't want me. Okay, at least she was honest about that.

ARRRRRRRRRRGH! Evil, evil woman.

I fell off the wagon today. For what? An evil, evil woman. Oh, fuck me! I am so steaming angry at the moment. A moment she'll never recover from. And if she does I hope someone who reads this will shoot me without hesitation. She's deleted from my phone, she's deleted from... well, that's about it. My memory will be pained for a while, I'm sure.

Tonight, she was well aware that I live in the middle of nowhere and it's tough for me to go back home without spending a bundle. She knew that. I told her several times and she even re-iterated that to me during the course of the afternoon and early evening. Well, just around half-eight there was the idea of going back into Ipswich for a few drinks.

Actually, fuck.... that doesn't even start the story well. Oh, she's really getting my goat even as I write this. Not even the Arcade Fire, my levelling CD can level me out of this hatred I'm feeling at the moment. I couldn't be more fucked off at the moment.

The schizophrenic bitch that she is... ARRRRRRRRRGH!!! Please allow me to vent to some degree here. Oh, fuck me seriously.

Am I really this much of a sucker?? Is this what being a good guy gets you?? I can't believe it. She goes through all her turmoil, lays it upon me and decides I can take the abuse of being her good friend. Oh, I think not. I feel like a complete muppet at the moment. ARRRRRRRRRGH! I must say that over and over again to make me feel better, although it won't.

I can sing at the top of my lungs tonight and it won't make me feel better. I am trying so hard, but it's not working.

There's a hole I left in my heart that I'll have to fill in with rubbish, until I have to empty it out again for someone worth the effort of digging it all out again.

It's impossible to think that I might trust a woman again. I know some of you who are reading this, either as a Dirty Hairy Mouth or a hitch-hiker through the Blogging Universe, might have already known or felt before, but (and I repeat) ARRRRRRRRRRGH!

I had a feeling that I would describe the entire relationship I have had with this person... but I don't know if I can be bothered to write that much. Saying that, I am settling down a little bit... maybe the music is working it's magic, finally.

No, I had to go sing and scream out loud again... let alone send another text message to her.

I wish she was worth the Counting Crows - 'Recovering the Satellites,' but I have to do it. Catapult is the nuts.

Okay, so her, myself and Tony (who no one of us actually likes) were sitting around her's. I was surprised to see Tony today as he wasn't in the described plans by her. I hate Tony with every bone in my body as it is, but I thought when I saw him, that I should be civil. No need toMy make things worse than I already thought they were. To be honest, I thought they were pretty bad to begin with, I was just very reserved with those thoughts, just in case things turned good. Well, surprise, they didn't!

My frustrations were just taken out on the CD player that was skipping on the CD. I hope I didn't break it, 'cuz it isn't mine. But my frustration has just compounded to no end tonight.

Anyways... today wasn't too bad. Tony and I were getting on, despite our distaste for each other. I was doing my best to get under Naomi's skin as it was, disagreeing with her at most points and so on. To be fair, they were points I would disagree with anyways, it wasn't like I was taking points arbitrarily and disagreeing... it was a genuine disagreement. It did get under her skin though.

Actually... no, that's not even the beginning of today's story. She texted me nice and early this morning, earlier than usual. Her usual start has been about 9:30am, where as today was just after 9am. Luckily for me, I was already up for Soccer AM, so 9am wasn't too bad. We were alright this morning with the chats and what not. The night before, she rang me up for plans and maybe hanging out for most of the weekend, which I took a skeptical approach to as it was. Nevertheless, in the middle of nowhere, Lars down in Winchester with Basil and so forth, a little company would be appreciated.

By noon, when she finished work today, I asked if the invitation for today was still available, since again, the middle of nowhere had no real appeal other than Chelsea (who won the Premiership title with 3 points over Bolton today, Hoorah!) on the telly. She said she had no plans other than go home, shower and go into town for some shopping. Well, I thought to myself, that shouldn't be too bad, meet her in town and maybe be back to see Chris's gig.

Now I thought to myself, as in my earlier post, that there was a possibility of me having a drink. I thought, if things were going okay, then I drink would be okay and maybe, just maybe she would go back to her whole bi-sexual idea and I would get laid maybe one last time.

Damn, I'm all over the place here. I am so glad I have some control over the keyboard at the moment. I will get to the end of the story eventually, please bear with me because I am just following what is going on in my head. I have had a few drinks today, fallen off the wagon, so bear with me, please.

Anyways, as I was saying... I caught a ride with Lucy and Brian into town rather early. Lucy and Brian were looking to meet up with Sue in town and the lift in was offered to me. Now, that was going to save me a bus into town. And by the urgency of events in Nay's text message, I thought she'd be in a hurry to get changed, shower and go into town and meet up with her friend, Badger, who had been in Germany for a couple years. Fine & dandy, I thought to myself. This should be a good laugh. If I have to drink I would and maybe, on the off chance, have one more romp. Now guys, forgive me if this is the wrong way to go about thinking.

Right... so, lift into town. Out before North Station. Text to Naomi saying that I'd be a half-hour before getting into Ipswich... train there, call her up. Okay, I'm a tad early for what she was thinking for the day. Fair enough. I will go into town and she said she'd call me in half an hour. Bold. Important. Yes.

Ipswich was busy. Very busy. With Ipswich Town hosting Crewe at 3pm and the general afternoon shopping mob, it was very busy. No problem. I weaved through the crowd to Virgin and looked around. They renovated in there and it looked like a brand new store, which it wasn't. Right... right across the street was WH Smith, the book retailer for those across the pond. Yesterday, I went looking for 'Life, the Universe and Everything' and failed to find it. Fortuneately, in Ipswich's WH Smith, I did find it. I bought it and went to find a coffee. Another stroke of luck, I found the Ipswich Starbucks. I love Starbucks. I bought myself a Mocha and realized I had time to kill before Naomi called, so I went searching for a bench. I eventually found one and started reading.

90 minutes and 5 chapters later... I had enough. Fuck me, if she wasn't gonna make a simple phone call in time, that was it. My patience had been tested too much and I've wasted too much time, so it was time to head back to the train station to go home. Walked to the station, got in the queue for a ticket and just as I was the next person in line, guess who rings? Exactly. But I let go of my frustration, but I did tell her she was lucky that she caught me when she did 'cuz I was tired of waiting. Yet, I still went and met her for a drink.

She told me she was in Yate's and she'd have a drink there waiting for me. Yate's was not far from where I was reading my new book, so I was a little cheesed off that I had to walk that far to get back to where she was.

When I finally walk in, there she was on the couch with Tony. 'Fuck!' I thought to myself. There was a beer waiting for me on the table, but I went to the bar anyways. Naomi called me back pointing to it, so I walked back. Before I sat down, I said, no, I'm going to the bar for a Coke. I was going to make a concerted effort not to drink.

Once I had the Coke, we sat and the three of us were very civil to each other (namely Tony & I) and made the best of the situation that we had at the moment. Well, Naomi was calling the shots as she likes to do and thought it would be a good idea to start somewhat of a pub crawl. Well, that was to start at the Swan and once that was mentioned I was sort of a slave to the Snakebite and Black scenario that you can find yourself in when you get that pub. We finished up our drinks there and moved on to the Swan.

Yes, the wagon's wheels came crashing off at the Swan today. No one around the Jones' will know that right away, because I will repair and get back on again, I'm sure. I can't deal with the head fuck I am getting at the moment with the amount of alchohol in my system. Saying that, please believe me in this story I am re-telling, because I have truly not fabricated anything thus far. I will choose not to fabricate anything anyways, because I have nothing to lose in telling the truth. I am the innocent party here, who has been taken for a ride, so it is only fair that I unleash the fury tonight, when I feel most willing to.

Right... Swan, going okay... off the wagon... four Snakebites, feeling mildly drunk. Back to the homes to refresh, before another trip into town.

First to Tony's. I re-iterate, he has the shittiest little hole of an apartment ever! It barely equates to some people's front room. It's shite! We listen to a few dance tracks, which are generally the same to me, so I take no real notice to it all and they have a joint between them, fair enough, and then head back to Nay's for a drink or two.

(I have gone back after a couple paragraphs to write this as I did remember) While sitting at Tony's I wrote a text to Lars reading:

"Can you Clockwork Orange me away from Naomi. Please! I need that from you guys. Need other woman & support. Please!"

Pardon my punctuation, but that was the way I sent it to Lars. I thought it would be fair for genuine sake. Anyways, he rings me back RIGHT AWAY (bless him) to ask me the matter. I coyly play it off in the way that they were sitting right next to me and didn't want to talk about it. Anyways, off the phone with Lars, she asked me who that was and what did I text to get the phone call. Honestly, this was the first time I was compelled to lie to Naomi, because the night was hanging in the balance, so the lie was in order to keep the peace. I rambled on about Dirty Hairy Mouth shirts and inside jokes, I'm pretty sure they didn't buy it, but I wasn't gonna give up anything.

Back to Naomi's. Her parents were just expecting her and Tony to come through but when her Mom heard my voice, she was so glad to see me. I'm pretty sure that they really liked me instead of that twat Tony and knowing her parents, probably told Naomi so as well. HA! Bitch!

That was actually a good start to the whole visit. It does get under her skin when her friends get on with her parents. She thinks they're the worst thing in the world and as much as her Mom is nuts, she's nuts in a loveable Mom way. I like her, fine with me. Her Dad, although he likes his drugs as well, he knows whats going on and was a little more hesitant to ask me how I was doing in her presence. But I knew I was cool with him. HA! Bitch!

Nevertheless, her Dad fucked off and the three of us were left to the front room with more booze and their weed and that was going to be about that. A couple films were put on in the background of more dance music, her cats came in and gave Tony & I more attention than her (which really got her goat) and it was fairly civil and easy.

Right... after 8pm... probably about half-eight.

"Well, we're goin' into town, you alright to get home?" Naomi asks.

"Ummmm... no." I reply honestly.

"Well, you know, you can stay here if you want, but I was gonna stay over at Tony's 'cuz you know we'll probably get some Coke and get fucked."

Somewhat paraphrasing there, but that was the gist. So, I got it... and stormed out. Rightfully so.

"You want me to go home, so I'll go home," I said as I grabbed the shit I came with and stormed out.

I walked and didn't look back. No inclination to look back and still wouldn't look back at this moment. So when I got on the train, I started the text messages, which as a drunk person, I am entitlted to do.

"If thats how you treat your good friends, I'd have to know how you treat your enemies." That was supposed to read 'hate to know' but now that I look at it, the mistake works out well. I sent that one as soon as I got on the train. Then I felt poetic of sorts:

"You're a waste
A life in haste
A problem I wish
I never faced.

Hope & joy
For a boy
Dashed because
He wasn't her toy.

Junkie does
And junkie doesn't
The drugs won't do
What is pleasant.

Don't call don't write
My myate they might
Do or say
What is right.

Done you are
You're to far
To even try
For anymore."

That also made me feel real good. Poetic, yes, but justice served... probably not. She probably won't even read it, which will be a waste, but I have it on this Blog site, so you all can see what was said to her.

I did also warn her via text that she should turn her phone off because I was prepared to vent my frustrations on her via the text message format. I did send one more passage from an Arcade Fire song, but that was about it. I could be much worse, but I think telling everything publicly should be enough to get her goat in the end.

It would actually be rather fitting for all those who read this and feel for me to send her a text message saying how wrong she is... so, e-mail me for her mobile number. I will give it out. Random text messages would be very poetically justice filled. I would enjoy it.

Done like dinner, she is... and like I say before, any inclination to get back to even speaking terms... shoot me!

No, Not The Bottle!!

Day 745 in England... Day 13 off the beer... Day 11 in the Jones' house... it's Saturday morning and well, that's about the biggest lead-up I'll give you for a while.

...

...

Nah, I wouldn't do that to you guys!! I'll make big build-ups all the time! Just because you guys love 'em! I sell big build-ups like shops sell bananas... in bunches!

Right, well the 13 day run of no booze is threatened, being Saturday and all, but I have a feeling that I will prevail. Then again, if the price is right, then well... why not? It's not like I've quit for good, eh?

The camera is primed and ready, well I hope so anyways. Hopefully get a few shots in and around somewhere... need a couple. It's pretty gloomy out this morning, going on noon... but that won't stop me.

Well, short and sweet from me this morning... shame, I don't really have a lot to do. Probably gonna go up to Ipswich this afternoon... get some pics there, maybe. Excellent.

Get in...

Go on Chelsea... 3 points for title!!

Friday Night...

Welcome to the Middle Nowhere Cafe, my name is Clayton, I'll be your waiter for the evening. Try the duck.

I have decided to get my logo on the top of the page now, how do you like it? I added the Maple Leaf just for effect. It's not actually part of my Production company logo, it's just for the Blog page. It'll do the trick for a while anyways. I'll probably try and make the page a little more white as I go along, but for now, this will do.

Chelsea 0 Liverpool 0; the week's Champions League result before heading back to Liverpool for the second leg next week. Clean sheet at home, good result. Liverpool will be tough at home for the Blues, but a 1-1 draw would go a long ways, if they can beat Petr Cech. Mwah ha ha ha ha! GO BLUES!!

Bolton tomorrow afternoon... tired team or so they say. Are they ALL unfit to be tired for 90 minutes on a Saturday afternoon?? Oh no, they had to board a bus for a few hours. The travel must kill their energy levels. If these guys are athletes, as they so tell us, fitness shouldn't be a problem.

Premiership title should be done by dinner time.

Question posed to me this afternoon for publishing:

"ideas eh? nope. actually, yes./ write about people get suckered into buying a gym membership"

Gotta love instant messaging-speak. It's almost like text-speak, but more legible. Saying that, there should be a post about text vs. IM speak. Not much difference, but it would kill some time.

Right, gym memberships (eh, Julie!)...

First of all, Jules, you keep going to the gym. So, you're not a sucker to the gym membership... just for a few too many beers (didn't think this would be the way I'd mention it, but here it is). Secondly, I am a sucker for paying for a membership and not going. Okay, it was a long time ago when I was in Kelowna and was probably 16 or 17, but I did pay for a membership, which probably wasn't for very long; being young and broke at the time.

Now, no, I haven't answered the question. This one deserves some thought. Why do people, like a much younger version me, for example, get suckered into buying a gym membership?

The sad thing is that the only answer I can come up with is vanity. How rubbish is that? I want a different question. I don't want to drum up the same old pap crap that other "media outlets" have dug out of some bargain basement.

"Yes, yes... the answer is clear. People see celebrities and then want to be like those celebrities." Suckers. Now, if they weren't so lazy (or busy, works both ways, I guess) or so unmotivated, then they wouldn't be suckers. It's such a nice feeling to think you're gonna go to the gym, when in fact, you won't even push the front door ever again.

Well, that's a bit better. Over and done with now.

It was a good day for the ol' counter at the bottom of the screen. In 41 minutes this afternoon, I had the same amount of hits that I did in the first 3 days of having the counter. The Blogging community has found me! Hooray! I love these counters now, they're fantastic. They can tell you just about anything you like. That 'Next Blog' button at the top right hand corner of the screen did wonders for me today.

Thanks Blogger!

The sad thing is... no one clicked on my ads on the left hand side of the screen. After four days, I have made a grand total of $0.55US. Yup, 55 American cents. Roughly 20p. Wow. If I was still living in Canada, that'd be a whole buck, but sadly, 20p. Rubbish. Income, not really the strong point of this Blog site.

It's a good thing I write here or else everyone would be coming for nothing! Well, there is a picture of a Canada Goose that people like to mention. Come see the Goose, I should advertise. People would come from miles away.

I found another excellent Blog site this afternoon in my surfing:
http://beirut.krugw.com/home.php

A group in Kingston, Ontario, Canada play a beer ping-pong game called Beirut. THAT I have to try. Lads, do remind me to print off the rules so we can have a go at this. It looks hilarious! Check it out for yourself. I'll probably have another look at the rules, which are on a different website altogether, but may return to the Kingston site for another laugh. Good photos of drunken good times.

Simpsons are on... might go watch for a bit. Be right back!

That's better. It was the one where Maude Flanders dies. That's a pretty funny one. 'Star wipe... and we're out."

Tomorrow, plans look a little sketchy. Naomi called me tonight and said that I should go up to Ipswich for a bit of the weekend. Don't know how far that'll go. She's not the best for keeping plans together, so I really didn' t make any. I just told her to call me if she fancies me going up there at all. The thoughts about Cambridge for this morning are already cancelled, if you see what I'm saying.

Nevertheless, I am going to get some pictures tomorrow. I'm dying for some new pictures. I haven't really gotten any good ones for quite a while now and that should change. I'll take the camera with me, wherever I'm going tomorrow.

Anyways... I know it's early, but I'm finished with this post.

Things to Write About...

Friday morning... Day 12 without beer, not fading at all. I have learned (okay, always knew) that there has been cans of Fosters in the fridge. Shocking. Well, not really. It's been good without any lager, clean thinking. It's fantastic.

Look what I found!! A shout out to Louise who wrote me a couple comments so far on the page. I am Canadian, aren't I? Doesn't everyone in England know that already, eh guys? I don't really do much to hide it, do I?

I'm gonna try and decorate the site with more of the Opiated Sherpa Productions logo and a couple more Maple Leafs. Yeah, it's gotta be done. Then you'll all know who I am. Granted, if you're here already, you probably know. Ha!

"But it begs the question....should people have the ability to choose whether their future children are boys or girls, have blue eyes or brown?? There's big hype and debate over here about it right now.....apparently this genetics technology is possible for people seeking invetro fertilization, and of course it has all the bible thumpers up in arms about it. But is it really that big of a deal if you can make those choices?? Is it hurting anyone or anything???What's your angle on it?"

Thanks Louise. Yes, that is a good topic. I thought about that in the painful silence that goes in my head when I'm working at the factory and not talking to anyone. Hey, it's less painful than Jeremy Vine's show on Radio 2. I'm sure everyone can agree with me on that one. Actually, a Blog on how I'd kill Jeremy Vine would also be a good idea... you know, if I saw him in the street, I wouldn't hesitate to jump at him with any sharp object I found in the street. Sorry... moving way off topic here.

Anyways... the topic at hand: Designer babies. Well, since evolution isn't allowed to take it's course anymore, I think it's fair to have designer babies. Not so much with the colour of their eyes or colour of their hair, but to remove certain mutated genes to prevent all the diseases and syndromes that science can now determine. But with the good comes the frivolous and well that's the harm of commercialism. There's always something better that the rich can afford and designer babies can be one of them.

If I was to have a child, I would like to know that I have the option of making sure that it doesn't have Down (spelling?) Syndrome or early forms of cancer. Theoretically, if you procreate in a different gene pool, you're more likely to have healthier and more beautiful babies... hence in-breeding isn't the coolest thing since the knife that cut sliced bread.

I would prefer the idea of having a random coloured baby though... but that's personal preference. I suppose a quick 20 quid could keep your kid from being Ginger and that would be a quick back door deal, but otherwise... brown, blonde, black hair... it's all good. Healthy & happy is what I want the most. When my child outlives me and I can give it words of wisdom on my death bed (or in my case, utter silliness), then I can die happy, I'm sure.

Bring back evolution though. That would be great. Let the human race evolve. Let the weak perish and let the strong grow stronger, that's what I say!

Thanks Louise. That made me feel a lot better.

Today, I'm off into town to go find the next book in the Hitchhiker's Guide series, 'Life, Universe and Everything' That's also supposed to be really good. I'm in a big reading kick again at the moment. I have spent quite a bit of time reading in the last week. That's probably because I have been living in the Middle of Nowhere.

I would write a story about the Middle of Nowhere, but I don't really venture outside anymore. It does kind of scare me. Plus, I'm living in the village that my Aunt and Uncle live in and I don't really get on with them too much anymore. Anyways... moving on.

Well, if I'm not out tonight, I might post one more today. If there is anything interesting going on or I think of a good topic to write about. Jeremy Vine: don't think I've forgotten about you, mate... you're time will come.

Might head off to Cambridge on Saturday... waiting to hear details of the impending day out. Could have some good photos from that, if lucky.

Movie idea came to me last night for a joint venture between www.DirtyHairyMouth.co.uk and Opiated Sherpa Production:

DIRTY HAIRY MOUTH
presents
Get The Canadian Married

Ha ha ha... it would keep me in England without the hassle of all this crap paperwork with the Home Office. There would be some, but no one would argue with a marriage certificate, now would they?? Maybe SHE would... but she'll be drunk when she says yes... AND it will be on film, so there's proof. HA! This girl won't know what hit her (not in the literal sense, of course).

Okay... signing off now... like I was going to six paragraphs ago...

Oh yeah... good site to visit!!

WARNING: The site that you are about to be linked to is way too damn funny.

http://ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com/

Yeah, it's another Blog site. But it's a story about how this guy fucks Ann Coulter in the ass HARD. HA! For those who aren't really allowed much for bad language on working computers, you probably didn't see this page to begin with. But the story does have some pretty graphic detail, which makes it all the better.

For those who don't know, Ann Coulter is a hardcore Republican who writes books, does speeches and goes on CNN and stuff and preaches the right wing view to America. I've looked at some pics (http://www.anncoulter.org/cgi-local/gallery.cgi) and well, I don't blame the guy for trying. She's alright...

Too funny though...

I'll probably post links of all my favourite Blogs that I come across... some of them are really good. Others are just religious crap. Blah, blah, blah...

One Blogger that left me a note made an excellent point to me the other day:

"love blogging?
no, i dont, haha. you are right. it's the gateway to the religious and
mundane. at least they're not taking to the streets and causing more traffic
for me."

Brilliant point! Thanks Country Neal! (www.countryneal.com) Protesting doesn't work... Blog away, righteous losers

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy & Restaurant at the End of the Universe...

I'm just finishing Restaurant now... brilliance to no end! Film is out tomorrow... can't wait to see it. Lars said he wanted to go, so we'll wait until the cinema quiets down a bit before we go.

There is a part of me that kinda wishes I could be Arthur Dent... get whisked away while the planet is demolished. Intergalactic Space Travel... yeah, it's for me.

The books are well worth the read... they're fairly easy reads as well. I've done both of them within 7 days. Giddy-up!

Alright people, remember to click those ads... help a Begging Blogger out, eh! I would for you!

Coldplay & Corn Flakes...

Ha ha ha... Coldplay's new single came on Radio 2 today and Chris and I had a good laugh. The trouble with the new single is that it's still Coldplay. Well, Chris remarked, 'Coldplay is like Corn Flakes, everyone likes Corn Flakes and they're only Corn Flakes.' I was paraphrasing there, but you get the idea.

'Speed of Sound' is an okay tune, but after last summer of Keane and Maroon 5 and a non-stop barrage of crooning adult contemporary pop bands, Coldplay just doesn't have the same appeal as the first two discs did. I'm certainly not gonna race out to the shops and pick up the CD.

Worst joke ever: What do you call a breakfast sandwich with mussels?? An Arnold Shellfish'n'egger! HA!

I had an interesting perspective view from my mate back home in Calgary. He wrote in an e-mail:

"leave then.

no booze, no puss, no prospects, small room, rubbish FOR GOD'S SAKE that's no way to live. hell, you can live better than that here!

i'm praying for soccer cancel. i wanna get loaded and sit in my hot tub. but i'd not do that...i'd setup stuff.

i'll peep the site."

I've gotta say, the man sort of has a point. I did respond to saying that I would have to wait for my passport to return from the Home Office before I was really able to return home to Canada, but the possiblity has been played around in my head a bit.

I have about 2 months before the passport is back... so if I can turn it around, job wise (maybe even a girl to marry me), I'll stay longer... but I have begun mental preparation for the idea. It doesn't seem so bad, 'cept not as many friends.

I wouldn't have the job finding problem, probably quite the opposite... beer would be in great supply... get myself sorted and somewhere to live... and then work on my ghastly social scene.

Yikes! Let's not delve too deep into that situation though... although the e-mails from home would suggest I do otherwise.

What else was I gonna write on here today?? I thought of a few things while I was doing my one day of work a week.

I need some good writing topics... anyone?? Tomorrow, I should have lots of time for writing.

If You Thought I Was Nuts...

... just look at me now.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

Online, offline... connect, reconnect.

Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh.

Unemployment, seemingly unemployable-ness & searching can do terrible torturous things to a guy. Believe me! A second posting today and I still don't have the determination to rant about something specific except for my craziness.

500 channels on Sky and nothing on... that doesn't help. Music doesn't seem to calm my nerves. It only seems to be that communication with someone else is the best way to pass the time and no one is around to do that with. Ahhhhhhh... get the guys with the white coats and nets, we've got a loose one!

You know, it could be the enormous amount of coffee I've had as well today that is really doing my nerves in. If I was drinking, which I could be after today, that would calm my nerves... but any residual feelings may creep through and therefore be amplified into something unhealthy and could produce harmful results. Don't really fancy that.

There are some dark clouds coming overhead of the house. That'll cheer me up... ha! Maybe I'll strip down and go running in the rain through the village and maybe, just maybe someone'll commit me into the some dark, dank prison where I can be alone with my horrible, horrible madness.

Yeah, that's it...

I'm not crazy...

You're crazy...

Who said that??

Ahhhhhh... the Doctors are now injecting that sweet, sweet sedative into my body. Mmmmmm... taste like needles.


Well, I thought I would include a picture of where I am sitting and cultivating my madness. Yup, that's it. There with my Finding Nemo mug, a map of Canada as my wallpaper and an office chair for my backside, I'm officially going stir-crazy.

How's that for intimacy?

Climb onto MSN Messenger and find me (belial74@hotmail.com) and I will be on... with webcam and all. It'll be like ClaytonTV... watch the madness as it unfolds!

A preview...


Awful... just awful.

In the Middle of Nowhere...

... there's always one person you just don't know about. Since I've moved back, no one really knows me... what does that say?? Mwah ha ha ha!

Thanks to the likes of badandy, the Blog Corner Beggar raised 34 US cents! Now if that doesn't help out my overdraft, I don't know what will.

I was doing some Blog-surfing last night... what a wave of boredom I was on... and came by some random looking posts. A lot of them were religous. These people have entire TV channels and hours and hours of programming on normal channels and they all spill out the same shit. I hate having to skip over channels or feel like I can't watch certain channels... now it's spilling over into Blogs and some of them take out the header at the top so you can't move on to the next Blog. How rubbish is that??

Since I was Blog-surfing though, I thought I would leave my mark on some of the good ones. It's always best to leave a comment, especially if it's a good site, I think. That way, they'll come to yours. The more the merrier.

You know, this might become a forum of some really good rants and raves... I wanna remember some of my best ones that I did in person to write down. They might ruffle a few feathers, but it doesn't mean I'm not a nice guy still. My anti-Human Rights one is probably my favourite... if I'm not busy today, maybe I'll rant about that. I probably won't be very busy today, so there's a good chance that you'll see that one before you get this far in this post. You never know!

I'm still Blog-surfing as I'm writing this. It sort of passes the time a bit better.

Another cup of coffee & some Custard Cream biscuits. The breakfast of... well, me.

I wish I had the time that some of these people do... okay, so I have the time... how's about the patience then? Do these people in question really blank out for so long that they can devote a Blog site and update it semi-often to printer drivers?? I know I rant and rave a great deal now, but I type at 60 words a minute, it doesn't take me very long to type a lot of this stuff out.

Anyways, yeah... so, the job front took another hit yesterday. The National Insurance people called me up yesterday to book an appointment to apply for a number. I have to bring my passport & visa (which I don't have), a letter from the Jones' saying that I live here and a letter from my employer or agency (that I'm registered with) to this appointment to get a number. Most of that's alright, because even though I don't have my passport and number, I have proof that the Home Office has it. Nevertheless... guess when the appointment is.

May 9th. My jaw drops every time I see it.

Now, I need this number for Reed Consulting to get me a job. They have jobs to give me, but they need this number so they can give me one. The agency that I saw on Monday, Office Angels, they will send me out without this number, but they have no jobs to give me. How nice is that? Can I not find something in between?

What a load of rubbish!

More distractions. Really, I have nothing better to do than sit here and write as I think, but this is taking forever. Text messages this morning... quite a few.

I find that I can sort out a lot of problems for some people. I think that's what makes good friends, good friends. I know a few of my mates are really good at giving advice, but each one of us are really bad at taking our good advice. This must be a universal trend, it just seems like a common problem. But my friend Naomi, doesn't seem to even let the words register in her head. Selective reading & hearing for that girl... love her to bits, but geez, when is she gonna wake up?

Anyways... that's a small bit there. I don't think I could say too much without disrupting the whole good friend confidence relationship sort of thing... don't need that sort of stress. I have enough of my own.

Right... maybe I'll quit now. For a little while anyways. I have no idea what else I'm gonna do. May continue Blog-surfing for a while. This job search must continue, but it seems like every door is not for me to open... have you ever felt that?? It's rubbish!

Where is everyone? I wanna chat!

Here We Go A Googlin'...

SELL OUT! SELL OUT! That's me! Click an ad, help a brother out. It's almost like begging while blogging, isn't it? Ha! A blog corner beggar... that's what they'll call me.

No seriously... give it a click.

Apparently, these things are supposed to scan your sites and put on appropriate ads for what the hell I'm ranting about. So, if I was to rant about Pepsi being the best cola out in the market, hopefully Google will see that and say 'Hey! This guy said Pepsi, let's put one of their ads on his site.' One could only hope.

Ha ha ha... there's so much you could do with it.

I found another site tonight that might help with our 'Oh Canada' Whiskey Liqueur problem... remember that lads?? Oh yes, Clayton may have come up big there... fingers crossed.

Righty-oh then!!

A Giant Canada Goose

As per the comment down belown, I thought I would include the Goose in the post. It looks like a good Goose, I've never met it personally, but I can only assume.

I'm signed on to way too many "friend meeting" websites. MySpace.com, hi5.com and so on and so forth. Today I've had messaages from two girls who have been rather abrupt and forward, it has to be said. The invite to a nude webcam site was quite interesting and the 'challenge' of sending a naked picture of myself was also an interesting invitation. Ha ha. I love the internet man, free space for free speech. Wicked.

A brief spell of rain has hindered my motivation to go outside and into town today. I will go meet Lars when he gets back from work this afternoon. Go for a quick Coke with him. Day 9 of not drinking and the last couple days I have felt hungover, to some degree. How sick and disgusting?? Well, hopefully that trend doesn't continue or else I will have to start drinking again just to justify the feeling. Nice.

Another agency was visited yesterday. A little more hope was added to the small vial I have collected already about finding a job soon. I don't want to spread myself too thin in the agency department, because I fear that I would have to call too many just to tell them I have found work or need some again. My last mobile bill cleared £60, so I don't think I need to do that too often. Especially when it's only supposed to be under £30.

Well, I've been thoroughly distracted... It's taken me about 45 minutes to get this far in my post. Damn!

Last night was a slight dress rehearsal for the 'Full Monty'... ha, what a good laugh. We're dead sexy... oh yes. Ha ha ha... in a hilarious way! You know for 5 guys who weren't really dancers (at all!), we're not too bad. Should still be a laugh though... we'll probably be in tears before the end of the show 'cuz it's gonna be so funny.

I think that's all I can muster up at the moment... gotta send a couple more e-mails out this afternoon and then take the 2:45 bus to meet Lars in town. Sounds like fun, eh?!?

Growth. I Just Don't Know About It.

Dammit, I've already missed a call this morning. That's the thing about living in the middle of nowhere, the reception is exceptionally bad for mobile phones. (As I write that down, I get a text message; how fitting)

I'm thinking that call could have had to do with my National Insurance number. If they don't call back within an hour, I will ring that number back. It was a Colchester number, so that's alright. Maybe it was the Job Centre... please be the Job Centre. If that number comes through (soon), then I can be on the comeback trail, which I'm dying to be on.

I survived a week without the beer or any other intoxicants! Hooray for me! I really struggled last night in Chelmsford though. Oh my. The drive down was quite interesting. Listening to Dance Anthems on Radio 1 and it made me think of SEOne and how wrecked I was in there... almost made me want a little one. That didn't help my resistance of when I actually got into the pub in Chelmsford. I walked up and choked an order for a Pepsi in... so tempted. So, so tempted. Feel good though this morning, so it's all good. My temptation was thwarted and Day 8 will go well, I'm sure.

Tonight, I'm back in Bergholt for another rehearsal for the Full Monty performance... May 13th, a Friday, for those who are interested. Oh yeah, Arsenal play Spurs tonight as well, might have to catch what I can of that. Chelsea could finish top tonight with a draw or an Arsenal loss... go Spurs!

Oh so many distractions when writing this morning.

Soon, I hope to have the Opiated Sherpa Productions logo on here. That'll be cool. I would so love to have my Blog site decked out like some of the other one's I've seen. Some people do a great job on their site, I must say.

Last night, I did my best to sell the idea of the Little White Lies video to the Amberblacks and I think I did a pretty good job. These guys aren't the most inspired bunch I've ever seen, but if I push them hard enough I think they'll fold under the pressure of such a good idea. That'll be cool. I will probably do up some storyboards and stuff for them during the week, in my spare time and we'll see where that gets us.

Okay then... that'll do for the time being anyways.

An Application for Google

"Holy advertisement, Batman!" Robin shouted as he pointed to a big neon sign. The sign was clear across Gotham City, but it can be seen for miles away. It shone so brightly that even the Bat Signal was flushed from the sky.
"Those Google people have really overdone it this time," he added.

Yeah, okay... maybe a little too over the top, maybe. I like it though. The giant corportation, Google, has an online application form for adding ads onto every site known to man, so those who rant and rave can also make money by advertising. Look out guys, I'm selling out! Opiated Sherpa Productions will have to get on the road somehow, ya know. I would hope the movie industry would be enough, but we all know that isn't true.

Ahhhh... Sunday. Should be another quiet one for the Sherpa today. Nothing really open, the buses don't really work and I'm too lazy to get off my nice ass to do much of anything. Maybe someone will call... that'd be nice. Actually, I'll probably ring a few people today, see how their evenings went.

Manchester United v Newcastle this afternoon on Sky. Could be a good game to watch, then again ManU will probably thump Newcastle and there really won't be much to be happy about. Newcastle really suck at the moment, eh? They're certainly no Chelsea.

Things to hope for on Monday... a phone call from the National Insurance number people. I need to get that sorted out ASAP for registering at the job agency. Of course the government has to inforce new regulations saying that you have to have a permanent NI number to register at agencies now. How convenient. I worked full-time at two places with a temporary one and the Inland Revenue didn't seem to have much of a problem with that. Rubbish!

I sent a note to NME magazine to see what it would cost to get a 'Where Are You Now?' listing in their classifieds to look for Tim, the second half of the Condiment Kings. That would be really cool if that worked. Don't know how much that would cost, but it's an alley I wanted to look at anyways. I did write in the note that there was a great story attached to it. Maybe there's an off chance that it'll be forwarded on to the editor who desperately needs to fill in one page of the magazine with a crazy story like that one.

Hopefully, even without the NI number, the job agency that I went to go see will call me up anyways and say that they want to see me about some jobs. That would be a pleasant surprise. Yes, it would be a surprise, even though I am writing about it now and maybe even expecting it a little bit. Shut up! Just let me ramble on here, would ya?

It's supposed to be warm out tomorrow, so shorts are definitely in order.

Well, that'll be my Sunday rant. I'll probably see myself with enough time to do the same thing tomorrow. Yay!

Gigs, Good Friends, Wasted... and more!

Day 738 in England. Day 4 back in Wormingford. Day 6 off the beer.

Chelsea 3 Fulham 1, excellent.

Last night, went to the Twist and saw Chris & the Amberblacks play. Quite a good gig, I must say. http://www.theamberblacks.com for those who want to check them out. Yeah, so I got most of the gig on tape and have written it onto DVD. It looks quite good and sounds pretty good as well, I'm pretty impressed. I did buy a tripod for my camcorder, but didn't actually get a chance to use it, the Twist isn't the best place for setting up camera equipment. Anyways, it was a good night out, even without the beer. What a nice feeling.

Like the posting will indicate, I am writing this on a Saturday night... how sad, you might think. Well, yeah, I suppose in the uber-social sense that's pretty sad. But I know Naomi was already wasted by 7pm, because it said so in her text and well a few of you others will be well on your way by after 9pm. That's cool. I'm sipping on an instant cuppuccino and having a few Custard Cream biscuits and enjoying myself to the Arcade Fire and some writing. So sue me.

Anyways... thoughts that have occurred to me: Good friends, what are they about? Getting wasted, is it really necessary? And well, maybe I can think of a few more topics as well.

Yeah, what's with the good friends terminology that gets thrown around rather loosely these days? Now it occurs to me that yes, I would like to say that I am a good friend to quite a few people and in return I get some really good friendship from them. I'm not necessarily going to mention names, because that might be unfair, but some people seem to have the idea that saying 'good friend' makes it the case all the time. What that says to me is that if they say that I (for instance) am a good friend that the happiness I'm supposed to gain in that line may shroud the idea that they aren't a good friend in return, but the shroud will make you see past that fact and everything is hunky dory. Well! That's seems to be rather insulting doesn't it?

Would a good friend insult you like that purposefully? Would a good friend kick you when you're down? Hmmmm... some things really make me wonder in life. How's about you?

Okay... this wasted thing. Yeah, it's only been 6 days, but ya know it's quite nice. I've been sleeping quite well since (but that could be with all the writing I'm doing as well [a good sedative for the mind]), not throwing up, no hangovers in the morning, no paying£15 for a taxi home, no walking 3 miles to get home at 4am, not spending huge loads of cash and not sending random ranting text messages to ex-girlfriends; which only makes them hate me more.

Believe me, I'm not reforming in any way, shape or form; but I do feel much better in a time where I should be looking to be feeling better instead of much worse. Once my feet are back on the ground, I have my own place again and so on and so forth, I should be more inclined to get myself totally blattered to no end and wind up with some ugly bird the next morning, if all goes according to plan.

It is a forgone conclusion that I will be pretty drunk on May 13th though. That'll be the night that I will be performing with the Brewers Troupe at the Queen's Head pub in West Bergholt. Brewers Troupe will be performing the Full Monty for charity that night and I will probably be in need of a little liquid courage before I go on. It should be a good laugh for a good cause and oh yes, I will be drinking that night. Once one goes down, the night will be a breeze.

I have set aside some guidelines for getting on the booze before that date, if possible... one of which will be if and when I get a job. That'll make me feel a ton better and then I can save some money and get some rent money to go live out of Wormingford. The sooner the better. Back into Colchester or Bergholt for me and a cold pint will be the sign of a job well done.

Right... what else? Oh yeah, I'll give a shout out to my "best online friend" Mel in Wawa. Yup, Wawa, Ontario. Wicked, eh? A town name that will rival just about anything in Britain. 7+ years of being online pals was realized... congrats to us! Yo Mel!! Keep up the good chattin'!

5 years in Calgary + 2 years in England + an undetermined amount of time before all that... that's pretty impressive.

Anyways... that should be enough ranting tonight. I'm sure if you've read this far, you're thinking I'm crazier that it was once thought of before.

Online... all the time.

This just in! Craziness has hit a new low on the Stock Market. The introduction of the Tales from the Opiated Sherpa should increase the levels of Craziness within the week, analysts predict. It's uncertain as to when exactly Craziness will set a light to the already lit up world of switches and dials, but when it does happen, it'll be nothing less than... well... another light brightening up the world, I guess.

Now how random is that? Oh, what? I'm not supposed to ask? Dammit!

So... anyone got any creative ideas? I'm really kinda stuck for some. I have all the time in the world on my hands and nothing to create. Random ideas... anything. I've got my camera prepped and ready to go. I'm a film student without a course. Ahhhhh!!! The madness is too much.

I need a job.

I need a visa.

I need a place to live that isn't in the middle of nowhere.

I could use a girlfriend... but they just cost money. Oh yeah... and the cost of sanity. Hmmm... kinda broke in both accounts. Ha!

It's the middle of the afternoon on a Friday and shockingly, I don't need a beer. That's right, you've heard it here first, folks... I don't need a beer.

What's wrong with me, you ask? I don't know... the doctor hasn't gotten back to me about that yet. Nah... drinking only causes me to go more mental and become more social then I already am. Who needs that? Not me... I'd rather be the reclusive one writing insane ramblings until the wee hours of the night until someone drags me away in a straight-jacket or tries to catch me with a very large butterfly net. It could happen, y'know.

Hmmmm... gonna check out of this online hotel for a while. The service is crap and the doormen just stick their tongue out at me and laugh. Rubbish!

Opiated Sherpa Productions presents...

"Little White Lies" by the Amberblacks

Hopefully, the video shoot will commence soon. Ahhh... my first taste of showbiz. No, that's not true... I was a stage performer in a improv comedy troupe. Oh yeah... and how can I forget the Condiment Kings? I'm a showbiz veteran.

Let's get filming, shall we?!?