Mobile Thinking in Bed

Some days, I don't know what to think. Things sort of make sense one day and don't the other. I suppose if I was trying to find some consistency, it would be in the fact that I am still thinking.

I haven't really changed much of my outlook on life in general. It still really just seems like everyone now is a poor product of the times and the people before us. I kind of wish for things to have turned out differently and its especially hard to protest the past. Maybe, at the end of the day, I can take what I've learned from past mistakes and use them for my benefit. It seems like a real long shot, but it is about the only thing keeping my hope for something good alive.

I can see some hope in spots, but the loopholes close awfully quickly these days. Prevention of the lost souls appears quite rapidly. Anonymity is becoming a thing of the past, faster than one can imagine. It does seem to be getting to the point that the only way to escape is to let it overrun you and get comfortable with its power status, just so you can hit them when they don't fear you the most. I suppose George Orwell's 1984 taught me more than I thought.

Like I said in my last post, I've really started to feel again and that has me worried. Emotions are the life blood of most failure and in a lot of cases, it's failure to move forward with your overall goal. Ironically, the overall goal should be happiness; happiness that you have achieved what you needed to in life. Well, unless you have money, which in a lot of cases make emotion powerless, happiness in achievement is possible. Those who have thought about it without money, usually fall short by the human attraction. Let us not forget those blissful people who are ignorant to their own selves, which we can all be jealous of, since the bad in life even seems to make them content.

My goal is to be off the grid. I don't think there is a soul that wants to be with someone like that, having little consideration for the world around them. Sadly, I haven't gotten there yet and I have to keep up appearances in order to find that way. This lack of progress in that department is leaving windows and doors open for possibilities that I want to avoid. A certain conflict of interest.
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More Introspective Thought

Well, I finally broke down and watched Into the Wild and it was one of those flicks that got the ol' hamster back on the squeaky wheel. It was a very good film and it reminds me of how I want to get off the grid and just be one away from it all.

The film really does look at inter-personal relationships, most of which were harsh, especially in our protagonist's childhood. Sure, I don't believe I have had those same experiences, but I have been able to take a lot of my downtime and turn it all into thinking sessions, using the logic in my head, to determine much of the same philosophies shown in the picture.

If there was one thing I really found interesting was some of the ways the protagonist went about his journey. Some things there I would have done differently, but there were a few things I hadn't quite thought of. If I ever get around to removing myself from the grid, I will have a good base to start from, or at least a better one than I thought I had before.

This all doesn't take away from some of these feelings I have dug up over the last couple weeks. There have been some moments now in my timeline, which have gotten me to think and feel a bit more again. That's probably why I am blogging right now. Gonna need to sleep, so I will clear my head through writing.

I am still at a point where I don't think that relationships with people are the right way of going about things. I do mix and interact a fair bit, but that just keeps up the persona of a person just getting by with the people he knows. Still have that 'home on the range' feeling in my head/heart and I never feel terrible about being alone anymore. I would compare losing love to sticking a knife in an electrical socket, as you should learn after the first time that it can really hurt. Hell, for that matter, I haven't even lost "love" yet, as that's not been in my experience list, just lesser shades of the same thing. That wasn't much fun, so multiplying it just seems rather retarded.

For now, I am just going to try and observe more, but that isn't to say that there isn't the possibility of trying something old out again. I'm human and kind of dumb like that. I mean, there is some humanity (whatever that is) left in me, but I have that feeling that it's just going to be a harsh reminder about the knife in the socket.

Good night.

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