STEAMING!

Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck...

I am a complete and utter blind fool.

Naomi is a complete and utter ignorant bitch.

You know, I was willing to stand and defend her character, but even as a 'good friend' to her, she still treats me like a useless cunt. Yes, she's admitted she's decided to go back to being gay as she used to be. Fair. Okay. That I can handle. She wasn't too sure for too long, but now, she misses her ex of 3 years and she pines and whines about her non-stop and that's that. Okay, so that's the reason why she doesn't want me. Okay, at least she was honest about that.

ARRRRRRRRRRGH! Evil, evil woman.

I fell off the wagon today. For what? An evil, evil woman. Oh, fuck me! I am so steaming angry at the moment. A moment she'll never recover from. And if she does I hope someone who reads this will shoot me without hesitation. She's deleted from my phone, she's deleted from... well, that's about it. My memory will be pained for a while, I'm sure.

Tonight, she was well aware that I live in the middle of nowhere and it's tough for me to go back home without spending a bundle. She knew that. I told her several times and she even re-iterated that to me during the course of the afternoon and early evening. Well, just around half-eight there was the idea of going back into Ipswich for a few drinks.

Actually, fuck.... that doesn't even start the story well. Oh, she's really getting my goat even as I write this. Not even the Arcade Fire, my levelling CD can level me out of this hatred I'm feeling at the moment. I couldn't be more fucked off at the moment.

The schizophrenic bitch that she is... ARRRRRRRRRGH!!! Please allow me to vent to some degree here. Oh, fuck me seriously.

Am I really this much of a sucker?? Is this what being a good guy gets you?? I can't believe it. She goes through all her turmoil, lays it upon me and decides I can take the abuse of being her good friend. Oh, I think not. I feel like a complete muppet at the moment. ARRRRRRRRRGH! I must say that over and over again to make me feel better, although it won't.

I can sing at the top of my lungs tonight and it won't make me feel better. I am trying so hard, but it's not working.

There's a hole I left in my heart that I'll have to fill in with rubbish, until I have to empty it out again for someone worth the effort of digging it all out again.

It's impossible to think that I might trust a woman again. I know some of you who are reading this, either as a Dirty Hairy Mouth or a hitch-hiker through the Blogging Universe, might have already known or felt before, but (and I repeat) ARRRRRRRRRRGH!

I had a feeling that I would describe the entire relationship I have had with this person... but I don't know if I can be bothered to write that much. Saying that, I am settling down a little bit... maybe the music is working it's magic, finally.

No, I had to go sing and scream out loud again... let alone send another text message to her.

I wish she was worth the Counting Crows - 'Recovering the Satellites,' but I have to do it. Catapult is the nuts.

Okay, so her, myself and Tony (who no one of us actually likes) were sitting around her's. I was surprised to see Tony today as he wasn't in the described plans by her. I hate Tony with every bone in my body as it is, but I thought when I saw him, that I should be civil. No need toMy make things worse than I already thought they were. To be honest, I thought they were pretty bad to begin with, I was just very reserved with those thoughts, just in case things turned good. Well, surprise, they didn't!

My frustrations were just taken out on the CD player that was skipping on the CD. I hope I didn't break it, 'cuz it isn't mine. But my frustration has just compounded to no end tonight.

Anyways... today wasn't too bad. Tony and I were getting on, despite our distaste for each other. I was doing my best to get under Naomi's skin as it was, disagreeing with her at most points and so on. To be fair, they were points I would disagree with anyways, it wasn't like I was taking points arbitrarily and disagreeing... it was a genuine disagreement. It did get under her skin though.

Actually... no, that's not even the beginning of today's story. She texted me nice and early this morning, earlier than usual. Her usual start has been about 9:30am, where as today was just after 9am. Luckily for me, I was already up for Soccer AM, so 9am wasn't too bad. We were alright this morning with the chats and what not. The night before, she rang me up for plans and maybe hanging out for most of the weekend, which I took a skeptical approach to as it was. Nevertheless, in the middle of nowhere, Lars down in Winchester with Basil and so forth, a little company would be appreciated.

By noon, when she finished work today, I asked if the invitation for today was still available, since again, the middle of nowhere had no real appeal other than Chelsea (who won the Premiership title with 3 points over Bolton today, Hoorah!) on the telly. She said she had no plans other than go home, shower and go into town for some shopping. Well, I thought to myself, that shouldn't be too bad, meet her in town and maybe be back to see Chris's gig.

Now I thought to myself, as in my earlier post, that there was a possibility of me having a drink. I thought, if things were going okay, then I drink would be okay and maybe, just maybe she would go back to her whole bi-sexual idea and I would get laid maybe one last time.

Damn, I'm all over the place here. I am so glad I have some control over the keyboard at the moment. I will get to the end of the story eventually, please bear with me because I am just following what is going on in my head. I have had a few drinks today, fallen off the wagon, so bear with me, please.

Anyways, as I was saying... I caught a ride with Lucy and Brian into town rather early. Lucy and Brian were looking to meet up with Sue in town and the lift in was offered to me. Now, that was going to save me a bus into town. And by the urgency of events in Nay's text message, I thought she'd be in a hurry to get changed, shower and go into town and meet up with her friend, Badger, who had been in Germany for a couple years. Fine & dandy, I thought to myself. This should be a good laugh. If I have to drink I would and maybe, on the off chance, have one more romp. Now guys, forgive me if this is the wrong way to go about thinking.

Right... so, lift into town. Out before North Station. Text to Naomi saying that I'd be a half-hour before getting into Ipswich... train there, call her up. Okay, I'm a tad early for what she was thinking for the day. Fair enough. I will go into town and she said she'd call me in half an hour. Bold. Important. Yes.

Ipswich was busy. Very busy. With Ipswich Town hosting Crewe at 3pm and the general afternoon shopping mob, it was very busy. No problem. I weaved through the crowd to Virgin and looked around. They renovated in there and it looked like a brand new store, which it wasn't. Right... right across the street was WH Smith, the book retailer for those across the pond. Yesterday, I went looking for 'Life, the Universe and Everything' and failed to find it. Fortuneately, in Ipswich's WH Smith, I did find it. I bought it and went to find a coffee. Another stroke of luck, I found the Ipswich Starbucks. I love Starbucks. I bought myself a Mocha and realized I had time to kill before Naomi called, so I went searching for a bench. I eventually found one and started reading.

90 minutes and 5 chapters later... I had enough. Fuck me, if she wasn't gonna make a simple phone call in time, that was it. My patience had been tested too much and I've wasted too much time, so it was time to head back to the train station to go home. Walked to the station, got in the queue for a ticket and just as I was the next person in line, guess who rings? Exactly. But I let go of my frustration, but I did tell her she was lucky that she caught me when she did 'cuz I was tired of waiting. Yet, I still went and met her for a drink.

She told me she was in Yate's and she'd have a drink there waiting for me. Yate's was not far from where I was reading my new book, so I was a little cheesed off that I had to walk that far to get back to where she was.

When I finally walk in, there she was on the couch with Tony. 'Fuck!' I thought to myself. There was a beer waiting for me on the table, but I went to the bar anyways. Naomi called me back pointing to it, so I walked back. Before I sat down, I said, no, I'm going to the bar for a Coke. I was going to make a concerted effort not to drink.

Once I had the Coke, we sat and the three of us were very civil to each other (namely Tony & I) and made the best of the situation that we had at the moment. Well, Naomi was calling the shots as she likes to do and thought it would be a good idea to start somewhat of a pub crawl. Well, that was to start at the Swan and once that was mentioned I was sort of a slave to the Snakebite and Black scenario that you can find yourself in when you get that pub. We finished up our drinks there and moved on to the Swan.

Yes, the wagon's wheels came crashing off at the Swan today. No one around the Jones' will know that right away, because I will repair and get back on again, I'm sure. I can't deal with the head fuck I am getting at the moment with the amount of alchohol in my system. Saying that, please believe me in this story I am re-telling, because I have truly not fabricated anything thus far. I will choose not to fabricate anything anyways, because I have nothing to lose in telling the truth. I am the innocent party here, who has been taken for a ride, so it is only fair that I unleash the fury tonight, when I feel most willing to.

Right... Swan, going okay... off the wagon... four Snakebites, feeling mildly drunk. Back to the homes to refresh, before another trip into town.

First to Tony's. I re-iterate, he has the shittiest little hole of an apartment ever! It barely equates to some people's front room. It's shite! We listen to a few dance tracks, which are generally the same to me, so I take no real notice to it all and they have a joint between them, fair enough, and then head back to Nay's for a drink or two.

(I have gone back after a couple paragraphs to write this as I did remember) While sitting at Tony's I wrote a text to Lars reading:

"Can you Clockwork Orange me away from Naomi. Please! I need that from you guys. Need other woman & support. Please!"

Pardon my punctuation, but that was the way I sent it to Lars. I thought it would be fair for genuine sake. Anyways, he rings me back RIGHT AWAY (bless him) to ask me the matter. I coyly play it off in the way that they were sitting right next to me and didn't want to talk about it. Anyways, off the phone with Lars, she asked me who that was and what did I text to get the phone call. Honestly, this was the first time I was compelled to lie to Naomi, because the night was hanging in the balance, so the lie was in order to keep the peace. I rambled on about Dirty Hairy Mouth shirts and inside jokes, I'm pretty sure they didn't buy it, but I wasn't gonna give up anything.

Back to Naomi's. Her parents were just expecting her and Tony to come through but when her Mom heard my voice, she was so glad to see me. I'm pretty sure that they really liked me instead of that twat Tony and knowing her parents, probably told Naomi so as well. HA! Bitch!

That was actually a good start to the whole visit. It does get under her skin when her friends get on with her parents. She thinks they're the worst thing in the world and as much as her Mom is nuts, she's nuts in a loveable Mom way. I like her, fine with me. Her Dad, although he likes his drugs as well, he knows whats going on and was a little more hesitant to ask me how I was doing in her presence. But I knew I was cool with him. HA! Bitch!

Nevertheless, her Dad fucked off and the three of us were left to the front room with more booze and their weed and that was going to be about that. A couple films were put on in the background of more dance music, her cats came in and gave Tony & I more attention than her (which really got her goat) and it was fairly civil and easy.

Right... after 8pm... probably about half-eight.

"Well, we're goin' into town, you alright to get home?" Naomi asks.

"Ummmm... no." I reply honestly.

"Well, you know, you can stay here if you want, but I was gonna stay over at Tony's 'cuz you know we'll probably get some Coke and get fucked."

Somewhat paraphrasing there, but that was the gist. So, I got it... and stormed out. Rightfully so.

"You want me to go home, so I'll go home," I said as I grabbed the shit I came with and stormed out.

I walked and didn't look back. No inclination to look back and still wouldn't look back at this moment. So when I got on the train, I started the text messages, which as a drunk person, I am entitlted to do.

"If thats how you treat your good friends, I'd have to know how you treat your enemies." That was supposed to read 'hate to know' but now that I look at it, the mistake works out well. I sent that one as soon as I got on the train. Then I felt poetic of sorts:

"You're a waste
A life in haste
A problem I wish
I never faced.

Hope & joy
For a boy
Dashed because
He wasn't her toy.

Junkie does
And junkie doesn't
The drugs won't do
What is pleasant.

Don't call don't write
My myate they might
Do or say
What is right.

Done you are
You're to far
To even try
For anymore."

That also made me feel real good. Poetic, yes, but justice served... probably not. She probably won't even read it, which will be a waste, but I have it on this Blog site, so you all can see what was said to her.

I did also warn her via text that she should turn her phone off because I was prepared to vent my frustrations on her via the text message format. I did send one more passage from an Arcade Fire song, but that was about it. I could be much worse, but I think telling everything publicly should be enough to get her goat in the end.

It would actually be rather fitting for all those who read this and feel for me to send her a text message saying how wrong she is... so, e-mail me for her mobile number. I will give it out. Random text messages would be very poetically justice filled. I would enjoy it.

Done like dinner, she is... and like I say before, any inclination to get back to even speaking terms... shoot me!