A Bow on the Letter

In review of a chat Baz and I had today on MSN, I have been continually weighing the options of going on and challenging the thought process of Barb to try and convince her that I am the way to go. It's a pretty fine line, that trying to convince someone to unhook themselves from being hung up on someone else and giving them a lift onto the coat hanger that represents you for the time being. It's a whole lot more sensitive than a hand down and a boost up... or is it?

After the whole text conversation last week, I've fallen into the trap of wanting even more of what I cannot have. Fuckin' stereotypes get me every time. I have come to the point in just writing as many of my thoughts down... most of them come in the sanctity of falling asleep, when the hamster goes out for his evening rip around the consciousness block. I try and capture a lot of my thoughts on my mobile phone, write some text messages not to be sent... again, not until I'm drunk of course.

I've tried to be dramatic, I've tried to be desperate, I've even told it like it is... in these messages of course. I can't really gauge what would be more effective... would telling it like it is be over the top? Dramatic and desperate aren't gonna work, I can tell myself that now... it is kinda fun to write though. Maybe one day I'll have some of them on the Scribblings site... they're a little more cyber-scribblings, but scribblings nonetheless.

I don't know... it may take some back reading, but I dunno... what I might be looking for is maybe some insight into where she's coming from here. In the end in a lot of male/female relation cases, all we want to do is get in each other's heads... wouldn't that just be the easiest thing in the world, eh? I'm sure there would be much less ado about any of the problems in this mixed up world if we had that sort of power. But in this one instance... just one... a little bit of insight would go a long ways.

If not some insight... maybe an opening line. An opening line to come across less-than-overbearing, yet persistant... appealing in a sleuthy kind of way. If you found Sherlock Holmes sexy... what sort of phrases from him would make your knees tremble ? Okay, that could be a little odd... but maybe it's the right direction... I don't know. I'm just thinkin' out loud again.

I was going to include some of my text message scribblings here... but I think I'll pass.

I also thought I would include what is one of my favourite R.E.M. songs of all time... E-Bow the Letter (from New Adventures in Hi-Fi). The confessions almost seem apt for this post, so I thought I would post it. I'd then know I'd always find them here.

Look up. What do you see?
All of you and all of me,
fluorescent and starry,
some of them they surprise

busride. I went to write this, 4:00 a.m.
this letter.
fields of poppies, little pearls.
All the boys and all the girls
sweet-toothed, each and every one a little scary.
I said your name.

I wore it like a badge of teenage film stars,
hash bars, cherry mash and tin foil tiaras.
Dreaming of Maria Callas,
whoever she is.
This fame thing, I don't get it.
I wrapped my hand in plastic to try to look through it.
Maybelline eyes and girl-as-boy moves.
I can take you far.
This star thing, I don't get it.

[I'll take you over. I'll take you there.]
Aluminum, it tastes like fear.
Adrenaline, it pulls us near.

Will you live to 83?
Will you ever welcome me,
will you show me something that nobody else has seen?
Smoke it, drink.
Here comes the flood,
anything to thin the blood.
These corrosives do their magic slowly, and sweet.
Phone, eat it, drink.
just another chink,
cuts and dents they catch the light.
Aluminum, the weakest link.

I don't want to disappoint you.
I'm not here to annoint you.
I would lick your feet
but is that the sickest move,
I wear my own crown, and sadness, and sorrow,
and who'd of thought tomorrow could be so strange?
My loss. And here we go again.

[I'll take you over. I'll take you there.]
Aluminum, it tastes like fear.
Adrenaline, it pulls us near.

It tastes like fear.
It pulls us near.

Look up, what do you see?
All of you and all of me,
fluorescent and starry
some of them they surprise.

I can't look it in the eyes.
Seconal, spanish fly, absinthe, kerosene,
cherry-flavored neck and collar.
I can smell the sorrow on your breath.
The sweat, the victory and sorrow.
This smell thing, I got it.

[I'll take you over. I'll take you there.]
Aluminum, it tastes like fear.
Adrenaline, it pulls us near.

It tastes like fear.
It pulls us near.
It tastes like fear.
It pulls us near.