Any Ideas?

I really don't know how to start this post this morning, but the beginning usually goes a long ways... as it turns out, Tuesday night after the beers and the game, I wrote Barb a text message, which I kinda hoped I didn't in the morning. If I remember it a bit more... I think I had said that I wanted to spend a lot more quality time with her and that she was worth waiting through the long hours at work for and bits like that. Which is all very true... I won't deny that I meant any of that, but it was really putting a lot out there, which wasn't necessarily the best course of action.

Well, just as I had finished watching Domino and shut my computer down for the night, I walked into my room to find the little orange light on my phone flashing, meaning that there was a text message on there. I didn't hear it go off, since I was watching the movie, but there it was. I opened it up to see that Barb had texted me. It was really a nice surprise when I saw her name on the screen, not thinking about the drunken message that I had left about 24 hours earlier. Not until I opened the message, of course, to see that she had been thinking hard about my message from last night. I think my heart had skipped a beat right then and there in the shock of remembering that, 'oh shit, I did leave that message.'

As it turned out, I arrived just after the message had come in and when I was reading it, the continuation of her somewhat poor spelling and punctuation (ha, ha... sorry) came in as well. Of course, this wasn't going to end well in my favour... this I could have told you if you were to ask me what would happen in this scenario (when I'm sober, of course) if it were to happen again. I had a pretty good idea of what might happen, maybe not to the littlest detail, but I wasn't ready to soberly put myself out there, which then I would have looked at all the options available to me and made somewhat of an educated decision to do so. An educated decision would have been one of those, 'I'm fairly certain that the result will be in my favour' decisions. But no, the best-case scenario didn't happen and I put myself out there somewhat involuntarily (but even that's a stretch) and I'm gonna have to face the music on this one.

Now, in all honesty... it didn't turn out as bad as it probably could have. She's not a dumb girl... she's pretty on top of things and she wasn't quick to make any sort of decision on anything. Hell, 24 hours between messages means quite a bit in the nanosecond world we live in, so I give her tons of credit for that. She was totally honest and upfront with a few things, each making reasonable points, but the language she used was very open-ended, which means there is a chance. A good chance... but patience will be key here. I understand that completely and I don't want to stop hanging out with her at all... she's a really cool person.

There is a slight problem though... my mind works overtime on open-ended situations. I spent my time in the rush hour traffic trying to think of things to say. I'm thinking of things to say and do. I was even thinking of putting it out there, since well, I'm there anyways, that hey... this is what's gonna happen:

My mind is gonna race... there's a good chance that I'll be getting drunk again in the near future... and yes, I will probably write you yet another message in a dumb attempt to win you over. I thought I'd save the shock value and let you know that when I get stuck on (what I think is) a good idea, my good conscience is passed out in the corner of my head and my fingers will do the walking on my keypad, writing you that unnecessary, yet mildly profound message. Just to let you know...

Sadly, that would take about three text messages and well... probably not in my best interest again. I would just like to make sure that if I do anything of the sort, that I am sober for it... then at least I can account for my actions a little bit better than taking the blame for making stupid and irrational decisions that cause less than desirable decisions to be made.

I might need a little help on this one... a little push or something to get in my way to stop me... just don't know which way to go here. Any ideas?