Sunday Night Personal Philosophy

The Verve Pipe's "The Freshmen"... one of the great songs on the 90's and one of those that always stuck with me, especially again now when I found the CD amongst the pile to copy to my MP3 player. It sort of brought up some contemplation of sorts... I've sort of been pondering all day actually. Not just today... Friday I was at it a little. But today my Dad said something about me getting old and making a career choice. Ugh.

I don't know when I came up with it in the beginning, but I always had said to myself that I would really like to sort out my personal life before I did anything about my professional life. When I came up with it though, I was probably actually in Middle School or something and I don't think my proper terminology came into play. I probably thought to myself that I would rather get myself a girlfriend before I worried about anything else. And to be truthful, I think that has been my philosophy from the time that I made it.

I never really have made any career choices in my life. I probably should have in hindsight. But in my lack of luck, confidence and determination, I have yet to succeed in both categories. Don't mind me for getting deep at the moment, it's kinda been one of those nights of pure thought amongst the boredom.

High school was a combination of crushes. It wasn't really until I made it to Calgary where there was a little more promise, but I wasn't really content with it all. My career path was heading to nowheresville and my personal life wasn't quite exciting enough for me.

Actually... Calgary, I opened up a few too many times and I got burned pretty bad. So, my philosophy really needed a revision. Putting myself out to a few too many girls who I seemed to like wasn't doing it. I raised my eyebrow in interest to quite a few lovely ladies, but the more and more I got burned, the further and further I pulled back into my shell. It just wasn't it for me. I don't know what it is (or was, maybe still is) about Calgary, but it was either my luck or my look that wasn't doing me any favours. My revision in the end was to just let them come to me and I'll sort it out.

In actual fact, I've probably sacrificed a lot (or a few, who knows?) of yes's that if I chased I might I have pulled together. Nevertheless, my revision should bring in the one's who would actually like me and that would keep me from wondering at least that far along the thought process.

In another admission, yes... I think WAY too much. My wheels are always turning... I think I have a pretty fit little hamster running on my wheel for the amount of thinking I do.

Unfortunately, my trip to England fielded some pretty poor results in the way my philosophy theoretically would have worked until well, the last few weeks where the results were untested and full of potential. Isn't that always the way, eh? Granted, it's rare of me to give my hopes such a chance of late and don't think I'm being too cocky, 'cuz it actually makes me crap myself that I may sound like that... 'cuz I'm not.

One conclusion that I have made, since I have made the revision and made (and hung out with) all my friends in England, I've just had a better time socially and that brewed a little more confidence in the way I go about things. So in turn, this revision is more of a positive thing because I am that much more confident. That I like... the pre-England me was a pretty good mess... now, not so much. YAY!

The last conclusion before I fall asleep... my original philosophy hasn't really changed. I'm a muddled mess career-wise, because I want to (somewhat?) get settled with someone (that I know likes me - the revision) and then I can build the remainder of my life around that. I don't think that's a terrible plan, but I suppose time is sort of running out in a way. Great, another thing that could potentially scare the hell outta me!

Well, that was good... I was going to stay up all night thinking about this. Generally, I would write this kind of thing in a Microsoft Word document and hide it from the light of day, but a few beers through the day say to me: "Go on, publish it!" Good night, all!