Another Christmas Gone

Well, going on 10pm... Xmas is pretty much put to bed for another year. Went and saw the boys, promised them their hockey game on Friday since I didn't manage to get the tickets quite yet... but I wanna take them for sure.

I wanted to be as low-key this year as humanly possible... and I think I pulled it off despite the family interest in the holiday. I do like to think of myself as an independant person and I dunno... if I want something, I want to depend on me to get it, rather than accepting it as a gift from someone else.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate when someone thinks of me to get me a present... but the social programming of guilt if one's present doesn't live up to one that is received does linger in my head. Plus, there is a real sense of guilt that I'm taking something from someone.

I try to think of myself as a decent person... there are instances and events that will limit the amount of praise I'd give myself in this situation, but I think I'm at least decent. Granted, I am assembling a list in my head of those who don't think I'm above creton... or asshole... but that's for me to know and well... me to know. I'm pretty good at knowing who doesn't like me... downright despises me... or just has a small chip on their shoulder that they name after me. People are fairly obvious that way. Hell, I am to people I don't really like... obvious, but not slap-you-in-the-face blunt.

This year, I was actually exceptionally good to the folks... I spent a good lump on their Shiatsu Massaging cushion for the la-z-boy in the living room. I wasn't supposed to... but when I saw it at Home Outfitters... it just sorta made sense for the both of them. They both complain about their backs and it wasn't something they'd actually ask for... so therefore, it was a thoughtful gift. I like those. I don't wanna pick from a list when choosing a present to buy. That's what I enjoy, if anything, about present buying.

Now this year... I was a lot less bah-humbug than I was the couple years previous. The two years in England... I tried my damndest not to celebrate Christmas. I moved out of Sue & Peter's house on my birthday to avoid it... mostly 'cuz of problems with them... and 2004... I was living at the Post Office with Mark, Tim & Stacy... everyone else was away doing there thing and I joyfully did laundry in the house by myself. Hell, I got to watch Citizen Kane out of the deal.

Honestly, I did sorta feel like a Grinch... even when the heart grew a size or two... when it came down ot the nitty-gritty of course. I didn't want to buy presents. I didn't want to receive presents. But, I buckled down and got a few things... and promised a few things. Luckily, I was rewarded with less than glamourous presents... a couple fleece shirts, a gift certificate, another button-up shirt... and socks. Lots of socks. Fantastic. Nothing extravagant... just easy. I couldn't be more pleased. When I move to my island though... there will be no such thing as Christmas. That's like the number one rule.

Now... I want to concentrate on the World Junior Hockey Tournament... work... and then bring on the Olympics. I don't know about girls at the moment. Valentine's Day is still the last day before chasing (full-on) again... and that target should be met with ease again. Barbara though, I will keep in contact when I get my new SIM card and such, since my Sony Ericsson is gone now... or so I am to assume.

There's something in me to be a bit better of a person than I was in 2005... but I really have to have the drive to do it. Can I? Possibly. Will I? That's another story. There's still a great part of me that would rather transplant myself from here to somewhere else... anywhere else... especially a desert island, to just start a new. Hit the reset button if you will. Granted, if I can gain people who don't like me, including family, in England... I don't really have a hope in hell anywhere else.

Is there a moral to this story... possibly. Don't fuck up with people... or don't burn any bridges... it'll always come back to bite you in the ass. Even guilt-wise.

Boxing Day tomorrow... don't think I'll be taking part in any of the sales... although I would really like to replace my camera, if at all possible. I wonder if I can get a good deal on a new phone.