Growing Weary

Man, have I been feeling crappy the last few days.  I'm still having troubles with posting, so I'm doing it now, while I have some free time at work.  Between all the confusion and some of my financial burdens that have arisen, I've really sort of wilted away a bit in my good spirits.  I could really do for a little bit of a pick-me-up.  I've got the Canucks and Capitals game tonight and the Tragically Hip concert tomorrow night... but that still doesn't enthus me enough to really put a smile on my perma-grin on my face.

There have been a couple things over the last couple days that have been alright... did me a little bit of good.  A good night in the pool on Wednesday was quite fulfilling... made for a good chatting point with Marcus here at work and Benny giving me shit on the phone as well.  That was quite good.  Also, I made this killer save on Dieter at floor hockey last night.  A pass across from the corner, Dieter was running in on me and got a shot away going far side... opposite of me coming across to meet him.  I managed to have caught the ball in the corner of my eye and take a stab at it with my glove.  It must have been sweet to see.

Nevertheless... it's still been a bit of a bummed out week.  I'm still confused to no end.  I'm finding that the only real way to beat it back down is to pull a fake smile in public, tell myself that I'm through with the whole idea of finding someone new for the time being and grow out this uber-itchy, patchy beard.  There have been a number of times, I've found myself reflecting to the point of beating my head against something hard... maybe that'll rock my world enough for something to change.  But I know that for as much as it's gonna hurt... it's probably not gonna be as productive as I would like it to be.

Nothing is going to change right away.  I'm still gonna be rather alone... clinging to the last fumes in the tank to keep me going.  My cynicism and pessimism is really starting to get to me these days. 

technorati tags:depression, cynicism, pessimism, alone