Quiet Night Thinking

I've had a little bit of a quiet night tonight... and that is always good for getting the hamster going. Especially when I'm goin' to bed... a fairly clear mind, the new Killers album on... I'm thinking a ton at the moment. It's no real surprise to be honest with you... and I'm sure that's the first thing you said when you saw this.

I have been doing pretty well in being a little bit stronger when I'm thinking about Ash and Barb. I've tried to really keep my mind off them and certainly the pool and stuff helps, but not when I'm going to bed... or when I have some time to my thoughts in general. I'm pretty sure that I can keep myself away from Barb... until she has time for me, of course. But when is that going to happen?!? And then there's Ash... I was okay with the little bit of honesty I finally dragged out of her and I was cool with all of that. But when we locked in to watch some movies... granted, she did have a couple drinks in her... and it really could have been the reaction to booze, but she was a harsh flirt. That didn't sit well with me... that's all I need is to be tricked into thinking things that probably aren't true. No one needs that.

So, I'm back to being a little bit more torn... just when the glue was starting to dry. I don't know, I don't feel overly compelled to do anything about anything. Maybe this is the wrong idea... maybe I should chase... but that just doesn't make any sense to me either. It's really that sort of beat your head against the wall kind of feelings... there isn't a simple solution. There's just moving on and waiting for someone else to come along and pay me some attention. I'm guilty of wanting a little attention... and wanting to be rather attentive.

Well, it's good to write this all out now... I know I would just stay up all night thinking how I would write it all out if I didn't turn my laptop on again.