A New Message on the Tales

Yeah, it's been quite a while since I've been on the Tales. I think at some point there was just this loss of ambition to type on the Tales... life has just sort of become a tad uninteresting, even to myself, to write for a while.

The new apartment down on the "Dead Mile" is great... it's great to finally be alone in my own place again. It had been quite some time since that had happened. I was living in Victoria Park in Calgary when I was last by myself. I'm not really far away from that first place, but it is almost as like I never left being alone. Quite interesting how you don't forget how to be by yourself. Kind of a survival instinct, I suppose. Parents, roommates and friends have all been good enough to live with me... even some interesting people who may not fall into that category anymore... have made life interesting of late.

With back to being by myself, it does afford me quite a bit of time, on nights like these, to think about things... things that I thought about in my days of being by myself. Encapsulating the loneliness and putting it all into a metaphoric sense. That was the interesting things about times of loneliness... trying to make something of it all. Something practical... something that might take away from it all. So, I found myself doing it again... and I thought to myself, 'why not write it all down... it might make me feel better.' So here I am.

I was always a big fan of the thought of the loneliness as a nice comfortable hole... I dug a hole, crept in and made myself comfortable. You know, it's pretty comfy in a hole you dug yourself. But then I got to thinking tonight... I've found that I needed somewhat of a new perspective. Instead of being in a hole... 'cuz I'm not really that depressed anymore, I almost found that I have become more like a 'bubble boy' or even better... a 'hermit crab.' But more in the sense of a hermit... not so much the crab, 'cuz at least they're gettin' some. I have changed my shell a few times over the last few years, really trying to stay to myself in my personal hours.

I mean, it's great to go out and hang out with the lads and such, but I really haven't been in the mood to go out and 'pick up' or look for girls. Don't get me wrong... I do enjoy going out and looking 'at' girls, but it really doesn't scratch my itch to go out and try and pick 'em up.

I can sort of relate failure with women with the sensation of sticking your finger in a electrical socket and/or putting your hand on a hot element on a stove. It's really something that should be done once... and you learn from it. I know it's supposed to be like falling of a bike or a horse... but that just doesn't seem logical to me. So I really haven't been putting myself out there as much... and I haven't been trying as hard with what I thought I could have been... but I've been a happy little crab. To some extent.

I do still like to make friends and such... I would way rather find the good in people before putting myself out anywhere now. Friends are so easy to get to know... chatting and socializing are fantatic activities. If anyone was to do something like that... some people may learn a few more things about me. I'm not really that bad... and this is generally the only place I actually vent. So, it's all good.